Few things in life are as exciting as an engagement. You’ve just promised to commit yourself to the one you love—forever. And you never have to go on another bad date—yes! In this moment, life is oh so good. Suddenly, however, in the minutes after the ring is on the finger and your tears of joy have dried, thoughts begin to race feverishly and your existence for the next six months to a year flashes before your eyes. Here is just a glimpse of what’s probably running through your mind.
I need a manicure
The second that bling hits your finger, even if you’ve never had a manicure in your life, nubby, ragged, or chipped digits no longer will do. And neither will shades of crimson or fuchsia because they’ll compete and you don’t want to overshadow any sparkle whatsoever. Nudes and pale pinks are the only shades that work—ever again.
Is kale a food group?
It’s T-minus one-day-less until your wedding day and OMG you just ate three slices of pizza and your jeans are currently unbuttoned. Does walking to get the mail count as exercise because that’s all you’ve done, physically speaking, for months. Can Jillian Michaels make house calls—to real people?
Do we really need heat?
Maybe warming up over the stove would suffice? Winter really isn’t that long? Skipping it would save so much money. But then again, the S.O. tends to steal the blankets at night, and if you had no heat than you’d be very cold and very annoyed—to the point of maybe not wanting to marry him anymore. Perhaps clipping coupons would be less risky.
I really hope I don’t get invited to THAT wedding.
Now’s the time to take stock of those Facebook friends. Maybe only 50 are actual friends anyway—which is really a good thing because your guest list is growing in your head by the minute. And not getting invited to upcoming weddings is a win all around since that means you can cut more people from your list. You don’t have to invite anyone who doesn’t invite you, right?
